Jack's Point Of View
by WhatATragicComedy
Summary: A oneshot of a day in the life of Jack from his point of view.


I don't own anything to do with Stargate.

This story contains a few curse words, along with tragedy. I cried writing it so you've been warned.

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I yawn as I open my eyes, blinking several times to rid myself of sleep. I can't help but smile at the sight before me.

On the other pillow, messy blonde hair is sticking out from underneath the covers. Pulling them down just enough, I look over her sleeping face.

God, she is just so beautiful.

The movement of the covers causes her to stir. She's always been a light sleeper. Yawning, she unknowingly copies my movements from just a few minutes ago, blinking the sleep from her eyes. When she spots me, she smiles, all the way up to her gorgeous blue eyes.

"Morning"

"Mornin', baby."

She frowns at me, her brows furrowing together. She doesn't like it when I call her 'baby'. I can't hold back from grinning at how adorable she looks.

We continue our little stare down until suddenly she smiles brightly, her eyes lighting up.

"Today's my birthday!"

"That it is."

I watch as her mind wanders to the party I'm throwing her later today and no doubt wondering whether I got her the bike she's been not-so-subtly hinting at for weeks. I did.

I continue to watch her silently as she daydreams when she turns to look at me again.

"Can we go and see Mama and Charlie before my party, Daddy?"

And there's that sting, the physical constriction of my heart. I inwardly grimace but I don't dare let her see how much just thinking about it hurts me. It's important for her to know it's okay to talk about her mom and brother with me anytime she wants. She makes me remember and tell stories about the family she's never met. It amazes me how much she's like her mother. Looks exactly like her. Thinks like her too. Which scares the hell out of me. Six years old and she's already smarter than I ever was.

"Of course we can, baby."

There's that frown again. That's a bonefide Carter you-just-broke-a-priceless-doohickey frown.

"Daddy, I am _not_ a baby!"

She's got that Carter tone too. The one Sam would use when she was _thisclose_ to not caring about insubordination and drop kicking my butt to Netu or when 'the couch' was in serious consideration of punishment for me doing something stupid.

I look her over as if I'm giving her words serious thought.

"Hmm. You are six years old today. That is pretty old. I mean, you're practically Ancient!"

She rolls her eyes with an exasperated grin plastered on her face. Before she sees it coming, I start tickling her, giggles erupting from her as she tries to wriggle away.

Once I've had my morning quota of giggles, I release my captive and we get out of bed to eat breakfast. She informs me over Fruit Loops that now that she's six years old, she's going to sleep in her own room. She also told me this when she was five. It lasted for a few nights before she started sneaking into my bed in the middle of the night. Always been afraid of the dark. Nothing I do seems to help her with it. When she's really scared, she likes to hold on to one of my earlobes like a security blanket. Charlie used to do that too. When she says it this time though, she says it with a little more resolve. I realize that if she goes through with it, I'm actually going to miss it. Even if she does kick in her sleep and hog the whole bed.

We get dressed and make the drive that I wish I didn't know so well. I know if it wasn't for the little girl sitting in the backseat singing her heart out to the radio that I would never come to this place. To be honest, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here at all. Or more literally, I'd be in there with her mother and brother. The little blonde haired spitfire is the only thing that kept me from finishing something off that I'd started a long time before. Wouldn't have had to do it with a gun either. I'm positive that my heart would have just stopped beating from the pain. It almost did anyway.

We've reached our destination now. She sits down in front of the stone and traces her fingers over the letters. I used to sit and do it for her but now that she can read, she does it for herself. Happily, she prattles on about how she won the school spelling bee and how excited she is about her party today. Leaning in conspiratorially, she places her hand against the side of her mouth and whispers, "I think Daddy got me a bike." We come here often. Anytime something big happens especially. And always on her birthday.

The ache is back in my chest and I resist the urge to pull my hand out of my pocket and rub at it. Looking at the stone and seeing today's date. Unbidden, the memories flood over me and I relive that day over again. When our little baby cried for the first time, we laughed and cried along with her. Sam was completely worn out, sweaty and tired, but I swear she never looked more beautiful than that moment when she first held our little girl. Before we knew it, the baby was being taken away and I was pushed out of the room;Sam was bleeding. I couldn't breathe or see anything. I don't remember exactly how I got back in the room and by her side but I did. I held her hand and kissed it; she was so pale. I saw in her eyes the moment she knew she wasn't going to make it. And I yelled at her. "No! Don't you dare give up! Come on, Sam. Fight!" Letting the tears stream down her face, she whispered she was sorry and shook her head. Angry tears filled my eyes and I gripped her hand tighter. "You have to live. Dammit, that's an order!" She smiled sadly, blinking back more tears and wiped a stray one from my face. Desperate to hold her closer, I laid my forehead against hers and whispered, "Please. Don't leave me, Sam. Don't leave me." She made me look at her. "I love you, Jack. Always." She waited, looking at me. "Jack..." Knowing what she was going to say, I stopped her. "No. I'm not gonna say it. I say it and you'll leave." She stared at me. "Jack, please." I never could say no to her when she said that, and she knew it. "Always. I love you always, Carter." She smiled. It was breathtaking and heartbreaking at the same time. Then, she kissed me, hard. I knew the exact second she was gone. Felt the pressure leave from her lips, her hand relax on my neck. And without removing my lips from hers, I cried.

I break out of my daze as I realize that I don't hear or see her anymore. I scan the area in a panic, stopping when I spot her at Charlie's grave.

She's talking again.

"Hey Charlie. Guess what? I'm six today. Almost as old as you now. Daddy told me that when you were six you started playing baseball in a little league. That's cool! I'd kinda like to do that, but I dunno. I don't think I'm good enough."

I sigh heavily. Looking over the two graves. I stopped being angry long ago. Angry that the most important people in my life kept getting taken away from me. I wanted to stay angry but I couldn't. I had to stay strong for her. I read over the name on the stone in front of me.

God, I miss you. I miss holding you. I miss finding ways to get a glimpse of that full blown Carter smile. I miss me being the first thing you reached for in the morning. My life is way lacking in technobabble, Carter. Though that will probably change in a few years. You'd be so proud of her, Sam. She's just like you. Hell, sometimes I wonder if I had any real part in the process of her getting here.

I smile, knowing you'd be rolling your eyes at that.

She comes back and holds my hand now. Looking again at her mother's gravestone, she says, "I wish you could be here, Mama. I love you. Always."

Releasing my hand, she places one lone daisy on the grave. Sam's favorite.

I love you, too, Sam. Always.

"Sam, let's go home."

She comes up and takes my hand, squeezing it lightly. I look down at her and I know she can tell how sad I am. She smiles, a full blown Carter grin and I squeeze her hand back, letting her know it's gonna be okay. I'll be okay. For her.


End file.
